Anyone who has come out of one of these relationships is used to taking ownership of entire relationships. They are used to being at fault. So they apologize even when they aren’t wrong because they want to simply find solutions without realizing it isn’t them that’s the problem.
A victim of narcissist relationships just wants to stay on good terms and make others happy. Often times putting their happiness second to others. This leads to a pattern of relationships where the victim gets used and taken advantage but it’s what they are used to. Victims struggle to identify what makes them happy because they have always associated their happiness based on someone else.
Anyone who has come out of a relationship like this struggles in making decisions out of fear it being the wrong one. In the past every choice that they made has been so heavily influenced by someone else, they almost never had to make decisions. So when it comes to even little things they struggle and constantly seek out both the advice and approval of others.
Narcissists come and go as they please using that as a threat. So the result is the victim fears everyone in their life leaving. They grow clingy and attached to people they form emotional connections with. And if the person leaves the victim analyzes what they did wrong without failing to realize people leaving is a part of life.
A victim of abuse tends to see the world in black and white. Needing those clear definitions and explanations and certainty to function. Grey just isn’t a spectrum they live in. It’s either yes or no. There is no maybe.
Anyone who has overcome narcissistic relationship was told the past didn’t actually happen as they believe it did. Because a narcissist doesn’t want to ever believe they did anything wrong. So when you replay an incent that makes them look bad they will tell you, you’re remembering it wrong or exaggerating. They don’t want to take any responsibility for their actions.
A victim is anxious. When it comes to a narcissist they always had to answer to someone. They always had to be quick on their toes with explanations or lies and not budge. Leading a life where you are constantly on edge if someone is going to call you up and lose their shit on you leaves anyone anxious and that doesn’t go away.
The correlation between anxiety and narcissism is addressed in Curious Mind Magazine where they state, ‘stress from emotional abuse…bears a high possibility of triggering psychological disorders such as anxiety and major depression.’
A victim of narcissism is constantly told on repeat everything they do wrong and everything they should be doing better. Suddenly they fixate upon their flaws and strive to be good enough. What they fail to realize what is being projected onto them by the abuser is really an insecurity within themselves. Even in moments of achievement a narcissist will downplay it or pick apart when they’ve done something wrong. This results in someone not only not good enough for the abuser but the victim isn’t even good enough for themselves.
Anyone who has come out of these relationships has self-esteem issues. It’d be impossible not to when you have someone telling you everything that’s wrong with you. So here is this person that should be so sure of themselves but they aren’t.
Someone who been through this and has known extreme unkindness and someone really trying to hurt them learns to never treat someone that way. They understand pain at a deeper level. They know the weight of someone’s words and how it can change your day. They know exactly how people can impact each other if it’s negative. So instead of resorting to that cycle, they choose to be different and be the light for others and treat everyone with the respect and kindness they didn’t receive.
This kindness comes in the form of someone who might try too hard to get people to like them but this is the person who doesn’t say a bad word about anyone.
A victim cares so much about what people think of them. They want to be liked. They want to be accepted. They experienced a relationship where someone didn’t do those things. So they overcompensate.
And when someone doesn’t like them it really bothers them.
These people feel things at a level that’s just deeper than most. Sometimes victims repress it. Other times they embrace it. But when someone has known the pain and has been hurt that badly by another person they feel everything.
As a result, they notice little things about others. They notice when someone might be acting differently. They aren’t afraid to ask them about it and most the time, these victims everyone confides in and trusts.
Victims tend to get into abusive patterns of choosing the wrong people. They choose someone who is exactly like that relationship that is toxic because there is void within them striving to win over someone like them to feel the love that they weren’t given.
But everyone gets to point where they’ve had enough and sometimes when a victim is really lucky, they find someone who saves them from themselves and treats them the way they deserve.
And that’s how a victim of narcissist abuse heals.